I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
