Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
