It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
