I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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