I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
