i wish peter jackson would direct porn
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
