Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
