you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
