there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
