can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
