You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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