I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
