im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
