I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
