You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
