Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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