Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
