I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
