I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize