The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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