I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
