I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
