see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
