Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
