...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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