Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
