yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
