Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you made out with another girl for some wings
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize