Me too!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
