i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
