I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
