Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
