My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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