textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
