Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
