Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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