If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
