we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize