East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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