i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So squirting runs in the family.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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