You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
