Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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