My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
