Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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