Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
