Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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