Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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