they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
