Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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