do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
