new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
