capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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