I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize