no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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