i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
