he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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