If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
