I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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