THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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