Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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