I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
