Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
