I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
