Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
