just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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