Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He felt like a one man threesome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
