One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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