Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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