Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
