so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
