She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
