He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
