she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bring me that man meat
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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