do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
