She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i think my cat just said my name.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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