You're my little dorito
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
