Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
