I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
