oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
