im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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